Tuesday, July 24, 2007

An Open Letter to Lindsay Lohan...

Dear Lindsay,

OK, its obvious its time to talk. Apparently there is not a soul around you who cares about your well being or can get through to your obviously stubborn fat head, so I am going to try. Last night you were arrested for the second time in 3 months for a DUI and the cops found cocaine on your person. You literally just walked out of an extended patient care rehab center and already you are back up to your old tricks. And hell, we know – you are young, rich and obviously disregard your life enough to keep putting it in this kind of danger. But let’s go back to one thing again – YOU ARE RICH!!! So you want to get wasted and you don’t want to be sober right now….that’s fine, illegal, but fine.

Here’s an idea though – HIRE A DRIVER!!! They are these amazing people who will literally pick you up at your house, drop you off wherever you want to go and hang around until you want to leave. I know it’s amazing!!! You can even get a big car or a limo where you can party on your way to places, like everyday is your own prom. I recommend the driver option because you are rich and if you don’t take my advice, you won’t be for much longer. And I am truly trying to look out for your best interests – even if NO ONE AROUND YOU CARES ABOUT YOU. We all felt bad for you the first hundred times you were caught wasted behind the wheel, but this is ridiculous. See in the 80’s, you know the decade you grew up in, a lot of celebrities were doing similar things – getting high in clubs, partying all the time, driving under the influence, but it wasn’t widely known. And that’s because we didn’t have TMZ or PerezHilton or this said blog to post pictures of you – a celebrity – doing stupid stuff. Robert Downey Jr. has gone through what you are going through now, but 10 fold. I mean the dude woke up in someone else’s house once after a crazy cocaine/heroin binge, so you know he has seen his dark days and guess what, bro did some hard time in jail. Luckily, he is a good enough actor to make a come back and is all sober in a new agey way now.

You my dear have done a hand full of movies, got paid quite well for them and with the rack and the voice, you are a step away from being crowned “Next Demi Moore”. Unfortunately, you keep making box office stinkers and getting high and more importantly – getting your ass caught. Now those of us who would eat off our own right arm to have your luck and opportunities will say we wouldn’t take it for granted, but that probably isn’t true. The same way I understand why Scott Baio, I get why you are all fucked up. Your mom is a raging hobag who would obviously sell her kids out for her gain and your dad is big fat criminal who is just using your name now for fame. You have had an unfortunate run with men and I am sure you have had way too many bad encounters to mention. Your friends seem to use you for press, money, drugs and then rat on you like they were Adriana from the Sopranos. And after awhile I am pretty sure this can rip you apart and make you doubt yourself. I know giving up drugs isn’t that easy, especially if you are obviously addicted and not just “partying”. I am not even gonna discuss some “role model” BS cause if parents are looking to you to give their kids morals, well then they are mentally stunted. But I do want to make sure you clearly understand how close you are to losing it. Either your life or your career is going to go up in flames and real soon. People can’t even remember if you are a good actress, but they sure know you love to party and that’s the problem. At this point, you will most likely be going to jail and guess what- it’s not going to be some cushy Paris Hilton/ Martha Stewart jail. They are going to make an example out of you cause you are basically pissing all over the criminal system and the courts they don’t like when celebrities do that. And obviously, you have some kind of death wish and your problems are not really being dealt with at Promises or any other lameo “rehab” facility that caters to stars, but you need to make a decision and it needs to be soon – do you want to end up like these people???????

I suggest you start reading Tatum O’Neals autobiography and realize you can still win an Oscar in this town and do nothing with your career. There has been a slew of your kind who ran Hollywood for a short time and then burned out. Here’s a few:

Let’s learn a lesson from these folk! Clean it up!

Mugshot photo courtesy of TMZ.com