A bit personal....

So I’m done. Two weeks out from the election and I think my brain will literally fry if I discuss McCain’s non-existent plans to take back the gov’t from the gov’t with one more undecided voter. I have immersed myself into the election cycle this year, which I promised my boyfriend and myself not to do this time around, and I am literally spent. My mind is blank when it comes to all other topics and I am fearful of what this country will become if Obama and Biden do not win this go around. I remember back when I was in college during the 2000 election and being so fearful of a Bush administration. I was convinced that something terrible would happen to America if this man were to take office. And boy was I right. As a New Yorker, who was able to experience 9/11 on a different level than most Americans, it was demoralizing for the RNC to have their convention here in 2004 and basically become giddy with discussions of that monumental day in 2001. I was angry at Bloomberg for allowing them to come here and revel in the destruction they had watched happening. When Election Day came and went, with no clear cut winner that night, I became distraught. And when finally John Kerry gave in, fully knowing he could not win this one, I got mad! I was mad at Americans for not being brave enough to break away from the fear game and vote Bush out. I was mad at John Kerry caving and giving in and not standing up for himself and better yet, us. And I was mad at myself, thinking that there was more that I could have done to get John Kerry elected. The anger didn’t subside after awhile either and I found myself disbelieving anything that was uttered by the Bush Administration.

When Hurricane Katrina came around, my hope in the American public and our government ceased to exist. I had the opportunity earlier this year to visit New Orleans and Baton Rouge for the wedding of close friends, who grew up down there. Shocking is not the word to describe the conditions down there. There were still damaged and condemned homes. Signs of the natural disaster were everywhere. And I saw full families, almost villages, living underneath train trestles and underpasses on mattresses and in tents because their homes were no more. Parts of the city were still empty, with debris and sadness lying all around. And I could not believe that this was “the home of the brave”. While it’s hard to understand sometimes the inner workings of government, I just could not believe we had failed so many of our citizens on this one. The cynicism that lies around the American public today is beyond sad and without something positive happening soon, our hope could be gone. When it was confirmed that Barack Obama and John McCain would be our Presidential candidates, I was hoping that the race would be about progress, hope, change and in all honesty, bringing back this country from the brink of sadness. This idea was turned on its head when McCain began switching out his campaign to negative attack ads, as opposed to exposing Americans to anything positive the man has done in his thirty years in gov’t. I was blindsided by most of decisions and turned off by his behavior. And I realized “they” got to him. The same people who shit on him in 2000, and shit on Kerry in 2004, were using McCain. He was no longer a Maverick standing up against his party, but merely using the same fear tactics Bush used in 2004, but this time attacking his opponent as being not American enough. His appointment of Gov. Palin was the nail in the coffin for McCain with me and my friends. The fact that he chose someone so close minded, judgemental, and lacking in experience was shocking to me, but that he used it to grab Hillary Clinton supporters was even more offensive. While I can respect Gov. Palin for the job she has done in Alaska, she is not ready for the world stage, which you need to be when applying for the number two spot in the country. And before I go on and on and on about something earlier in the post I said I was done with, I was just want to remark on how much positivety there has been on the other side. Beyond the landmark primary race between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, the Democrats for once have hope on their side. They were not acting as the lesser than two evils, but as the real choice for progress. And while the Republicans apparently shy away from progress, this country can not survive without it. It is what has brought us our Freedom, our Stregnth and our Liberty. It is what put us on the map as the impressive place that we are, where you can grow up a child of a single mother, and find yourself 30 years later running for the most important position within the nation. Our advancements in technology and science is what catapulted us to be the biggest and baddest and our faith in our fellow Americans is what gave us strength through the hard times. While I feel defeated and fearful for the next few days, so fearful I can’t even muster up a blog about Project Runway, I have to remember that there are men and women who came before me and Obama and Clinton, who paved the way for progress in this country. And I believe, with all my heard, that come November 4th, they will be able to be proud of this nation once again. I want us to be that shining light once again and I am certain that with the appropriate chance come January 20, 2009, we can make it. And if you are like me and fearful and conflicted and just want everything to be over with, please look at this and remember that sometimes hope means just that: HOPE.